i forgot to update oin the badminton bondiong thing.. we went after maths remedial.. the string exco members.. rach wanted to tag along so she went along with us. Then got there played badminton.. thrashed the seniors.. haha but they alos veri gd. i wanted ot play singles but not enuf time.. then char had a match with her friends.. and amelia broke her shoe.. so gave her scotchtape to strengthen it.. then after that went to eat at macs.. haha we didnt really bond during the badminton but i think we sort of bonded through the meal.. cause we were discussing all the horror movies and stuff.. and then amelia was talking about the movie "Carrie".. and that sounds like my name.. then when she reached the part where i died.. we all started laughing.,haha... then farah said we need to have another outing and i so totally agree!.. Go string!

Vanessa nearly lost her Nike bottle ..AGAIN. the last time she left it on a bus.. but got it back.. this time.. she left it in macs cause she and rach went to see comics..then mingying spotted it. so i called her then she say ..yeah. its hers.. thank god for mingying.. haha.. then went for stirng and after that rushed down to piano class.. and my mum was there cause i forgot to bring my books... ahhh.. and i did couple of oral tests.. and i think ive improved .. hoepfully... and i left my pencil box there!! have to go and get it.. sigh. i hope for a distinction for my grade 8. I have to get relaly high marks for my song.. my results been decresaing iny my music.

Grade 2 :distinction

I was flipping through my old autograph book and read a few of the messages.I recalled so many things that happened. The time where we played doubles against the rest and won eveyr single one. The time when you carried all my books down three flights of stairs because i couldnt lift it. The time we came to school to help out in something but ended up taling for three hours straight. Even the most unlikely person now, wrote and teased me about how we were together. The many nights i spent crying over you. and i regret being so short sighted. for believing the rumours and lies people told about you. And i couldnt take back the hurt that was done. Too late. I think back on what could have been. You alone are special to me. You have always been the only one.

To her: Up till now i still dont noe why u did the things u did even though we were so close . I trusted u so much but You stab me in the back and then throw it all in my face by telling me how u two get along so well after u told me to stay away frm him. When i met u that day in our old scl, i knew u hadnt change. And i hope i can forgive you.

just like 1 more dya to my music exam.. im so dead.. hope i cna pull through.. my music teacher insisted i dress formaly.. that i wear like no revealing clothing..a skirt..court shoes.. blah blah.

He holds my hand
touches my hair

he leans in
and i can feel his hot breath on my cheek.
warming me
making me feel safe.

He lips gently brush my cheek,
shifts to my ear 
and whispers the words i long to hear
"I Love You"

i am totally in panic mode rite now as i have realized really how little time there is to finals.. it is less than 3 weeks away. God /./ i am so dead. what the hell is it with those teachers? they havent even finish teaching the syallabus yet?Damn.. i may have time to bitch now but i sure as hell wont when term starts rolling in. NOt to mention my disatrous piano exam that starts on the first day of term.. hell i am so un prepared.. i remeber the past exams.. when it comes to this point of a time.. i am calm ..cooled , prepared.. just having to prepare myself mentally.. this time.. i suck like hell.. still have nto memorize all my scales yet.. pratically everything is staccato in grade 8. Bu i have to pass.. i just have too.

My mom b'dae tmr... wonder if she like the present i bought for her.hid, van and nad are talking about getting me hamsters for my b'dae.. haha so happy~ but they say i have to get the cage myself.. or at least pay part of iy..:(. i dont mind actually.. the hard part is persuading my mom.

i am going to stop posting in nonsensical ways that appeal to me somewhat in a attempt to raise my highly delepting english standard.( if u didnt understand that. it means ive suceeded)

String on monday was a horror. PAetly cause we ahd both teams combining together.. and i did not realize i was in charge on that day,since both farah and char were absent. So our mr lee was happily awaiting the scores and stands that was my job to take care of. Poor dinah had to run and get the stand.. afterwhich i joined her in searching for the st paul score.. horror.. Marking the attendance proved to be easy.. with the help of a couple of jun ior team members..the job was done efficently..

Ive fufilled my duty in getting my mom her b;dae present.. and sepnt a lum sum on it too.. cant wait till she opens it tmr.
Cheeri .. im going to yeggie house to  do lit project.... i seriously do not appreciate being slaped countless of times.. i have now spraiedn both of my wrists.. and suffer frm a back ache due to the countless falling downs that i have suffered after she slapped,and pushed me to the ground.. none too gently...oh well.. its the ill fated role.

and in order to clear up the confusion over the vanessas.. it was my mistake entirely.. i made a slip in typing the name twice..

after a couple of days. i have decided to stop walloing in self pity! hah...yes my frens are rite.. im not a totaly lsoer.. and i should NEVER guve up.. so many thanksto those poeple who encouraged me online and in scl..  THANK YOU SO MUCH.. ! you guys noe who u are but i should name them haha..

in no random order:
gen
me-lia(still dont noe who u are)
jacq
darryl
me(stil dont noe who u are)
vanessa
amelia
lappie
mandy
amelia
and vanessa..

thanks guys.. thtas what frens are for rite? theres nothing wrong being in vln 2 anyway.. yup .. so im back! haha..

went on a spending spree yesterday to perlini's silver cause my mum had this 40 percent discount thingei! u wouldnt belive how many ppl there was ..mainly cause its last day of teh sale. so if u see me wearing excessive amounts of jewellery.. its beacuse of that sale.. haha..

had a weird dream yesterday.. dreamt someone was kissing me or something.. shall no mention the person name.. and no its not a girl..hah.. wonder what that means.

The vln 1 results came back. I didnt get in,.The ppl who got in were vanessa, eunice,delia,sonia and kailing.,Im not going to lie and say im not disappointed cause i am.,to the extent of a total breakdown in class.I dont want to appear like a sore loser.Like some ppl in my class who cry everytime they get a bad result.I mean i rarely show emotion. Thats why im emotionless.But i dont get it. Its like time and time again... no matter how hard i try, i just miss the cut.I just fail to make it,despite practicing or working hard for it.My best is not gd enuf.,
So who the hell cares if im enthu? sure im enthu, sounds so nice. Bu when it comes down to this, ure not up to standard, ure gone.. too bad. I know i cant blame anyone for the plight im in.,Im happy for vanessa despite the fact that i didnt get in. I know maybe ppl will find this unbelievable.But the fact is that she has really improved and she deserves it. euncie she should have been in long time ago. The others i cant commenbt.. they are all sec 1... and one girl just joined the senior team for like a week.

Its no biggie to some ppl.. they simply dont wanna move on.lots of ppl asked me why i wanna go to vln 1 and i find that i have no answer for them.No its not because of ego or wahetva .. maybe caus its just my long time goal to get in since i first joined string..I remeber  when i first joined.. i was even more enthu than i was now.. dragged van round with me to go for audtion to get into senior team.. needless to say.. we didnt get in.. but we got in later.. parly due to the fact that i was enthu..But at least we tried.,then we got in.. its the trying factor that counts.

Now for e' forst time.. me and van gonna be seperated..she to vln 1 me reamining in vln 2.ITs actually quite sad for the both of us.,wonder who ill partner now.. sharon maybe? or one of the new-jr-team members, I know i totally screwd up my sight reading during the audition.I have this natural ability to not know whether i have gone out of tune or not.usually i think positive but not this time : im a total loser.Not gd at anything. Even my english, from one of the high few in class has dropped to a B4 @! 64.5! that is a 10 mark drop! I dont noe what to do really.Im not improving.. im just stagnant.

Lets take string for an eg.  i used to be better than vanessa when we first entered the senior team. but now, she's better than me . why? i dont noe. we both have the same amt of scl work.. ,no private tutors.. and used to be of the same standard. BUt u noe what ? i think i noe the answer. its just me. there no other explanation ..im gd at nothing. and i can safely say how this is so disappointing this is for me.

some ppl.. they dont care whether they are gd or what.. but i do. im a person of high expectations and dreams. Its the torment of knowing you have tried ,but just wasnt gd enuf! let me end off with this poem i wrote especially for this,

ok tmr so did not bring better days.. i got back my marks for history and chinese.. they are in the A2 range.. but i still dont think its gd enuf!! sigh.. and i got back maths paper. dont want to talk about it. My overall term 3 maths result sucked.. i pass but it still sucked..

today had a highly intellectual conversation with farah,emelin and amelia.. string ppl. were discussing the ppl who got in to vln 1.. i noe who alreayd.. so far. was quite surprised at one girl.. but now thinkin about it.. she deserves a chance. yup.. then farah asked me if i was put in vln 1 but may not  play in SYF would i accept it.. and i was thinkin about it and i didnt have a answer for her.. in the end i told her to decided for mer.. i said that if i had the standar put me in.. if i dont butim just enthu.. dont force .
Emelin said that i need to improve on my intonation and some technique which i totally agree. But she did say that i have shown improvement , so im quite happy.. but i cant be slack.. compared to many others.. i AM NOTHING.. i need to pull up my socks.. and practice . pratice practice!

today in chinese.. chuan looked like Sh*T..  there were dark circles under her eyes.. she looked like she's ben crying throught the night or smth.. and she got teary throughout the lesson. i was wondering like how long is she gonna be able to hold up. And a certain someone was feeling so sad.. so sad.. oh well .. i might just want to write a poem on this... there so much emotion here.. so sad.. nwo cpoming to end of term 3. my piano exam coming.. muz pratice: stress.,

just came back frm piano class cum tution.. not as tired as i expected though.. but im so feeling guilty rite now.. why? cause everyone met up in hid ouse to do history project.. eveyr but ME. god im such a loser.. i didnt even do anything except for maybe three slides..but hid gonna send the thing over and im going to go over it.. edit.. add more info and animation.. so i am doing something rite? or am i just saying this to make myself feel better.. i honestly dont noe.. haiz.. tmr have history test.. and im so not prepared.. again!! what the hell is wrong with me.. i swore to myself ill study.. but im just slacking away.. Finals are like so near!!
 tmr ill be geting back almost all of results.. i seriously dont noe whether it be gd or not.. im jus hoping praying.. so far all i noe is that my science is 78.. which to me is quite a gd mark but nto gd enuf.

mkay tmr bring better days//